


to love or to be loved

by multifandom_fanfic_writer



Category: Naruto
Genre: A bit sad, Character Study, F/M, Sakura loves team 7, other pairings: SasuSaku and NaruSaku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 20:29:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19952401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandom_fanfic_writer/pseuds/multifandom_fanfic_writer
Summary: Sakura had been in love with all members of Team 7 at some point in her life, but it all ended with him.





	to love or to be loved

It all started with Sasuke.

Her love for him was no secret: rather, it was something she (and Ino) shouted over the rooftops. Regularly.

It was also no secret that the Last Uchiha didn’t return their love. Never had, never would, (never could).

Sakura didn’t understand that until years later.

She was young, but contrary to the other kids her age who proclaimed their love for Sasuke, her love was real. It did not fade as her hormones started kicking in and another pretty boy walked by; it did not fade as he humiliated her day after day after day; it did not fade when he called her useless in the blood-soaked land of Wave.

She would never admit it, but for her twelve year old self, being placed on the same team as her crush was a dream come true. (She was sure most girls could emphasize.)

Some may say Sakura never truly loved Sasuke, but anyone who looked closer knew that to be false.

Loving Sasuke was natural to Sakura. She didn’t even have to think about it, it just happened. No matter how much she regretted her naivety in her youth, she would never be ashamed of the strength of her love.

Her love was not just her daily requests for a date, but also her unwavering support for Sasuke, whatever he did or did not do. It was in her willingness to sacrifice herself for him. It was in her eyes when she looked at him when she thought no one saw, in her hands that tried to comfort him even when he shoved them away because he didn’t need anyone. It was in her voice, which he ignored every day.

Sakura _knew_ Kakashi only really taught Sasuke useful things, but she never complained. She knew Naruto was weird (eccentric, bull-headed, loyal, _strong_ ) enough to make it on his own. She also knew she wasn’t.

She didn’t mind. Loving Sasuke made her place all his needs above her own.

So she endured. His scorn, his anger, his sadness, his loneliness. Sakura was always there for him.

But her never answered. She was never good enough. Too slow, too ugly, too distracted, too _useless_.

He was better than her in every way. He didn’t need her. He could do everything on his own.

(The only thing Sakura did better than him was loving him.)

But it was not enough. Could not be enough.

And so, he left. Her. (Konoha).

Her love for him ended at night, on a bench.

* * *

Sakura wasn’t lying when she told Naruto she loved him on the rooftops in the Land of Snow.

He never knew.

In Naruto’s head the world was very clear and defined. Sasuke was his best friend, she was his dear 'Sakura-chan'' who punched him when he asked for a date, because she was in love with Sasuke.

(Always had been, always would be. Sakura couldn’t even muster up a grimace at the thought.)

Never mind what she told him, or how often she released him from their promise, for him, this was how life worked. They were facts. And they were unchangeable.

Naruto had long since moved on from his ‘silly’ crush on her. She’d always dreamt of that they when she was young. Now, she would give everything to have it back.

Over the years, Naruto had changed. Had grown up. But his heart had always stayed the same.

It was one of the things Sakura loved most about him.

Naruto was always there. He knew when to cry, but he also knew when to laugh and to do that more often. He knew how to smile, even when the whole world was teaming up against him.

And more than that, he believed in her. He never called her weak, or useless, or implied that she could not handle the task set before her. If he came to her defense, it was the same way he defended all his precious people - with conviction and love.

So even though all her hugs were returned superficially, her soft smiles answered with an innocent beaming grin, she kept on loving him.

Sadly, unrequited and unspoken love could only last for so long. And there were others who saw Naruto's radiance.

Her love for him ended the day Hinata stepped forward with a nervous smile but steady voice - and Naruto smiled back.

* * *

She fell in love with Kakashi in the middle of a spar.

Sakura had stopped calling Kakashi her sensei since the events of the Kage Summit, weeks ago. He had only recently asked her why.

Normally, she would have brushed off the question, or teased him about growing up.

But he asked her on a bad day. She had lost a patient; Naruto had asked Hinata to marry him; they had lost Sasuke's trail.

Just yesterday she came back from a failed mission, only to hear that her mother had passed away a few days ago.

So she exploded.

(Sakura’s outbursts were different than they used to be. She didn’t scream, shout, or punch people. Nowadays, that was more a sign of slight annoyance. No, when she exploded, she did so with venom in her narrowed eyes and words as sharp as kunai.)

(Another thing she picked up from her mentor.)

She told him he had never truly taught her anything. None of her current abilities, strategies or jutsu she learned from or because of him. "Genjutsu type" were words utterd long ago, never followed up. The teamwork Kakashi had always praised was just a dream in Team 7, and you need only look at Sasuke working with Akatsuki to see how that ended. When Sasuke and Naruto had left the village, instead of focusing on her, he had disappeared back into ANBU. Leaving no one behind? Please. Without Tsunade there, her career as a ninja would have ended there. 

Kakashi flinched, then stilled, closed his eye, as if she had put her first through his chest.

(A tempting prospect).

But he, too, had changed over the years. After a minute of silence, he closed his eyes, straightened his back, and bowed. Asked for forgiveness.

If Sakura was younger, she would have slapped him and walked away, the last link of Team 7 severed.

Now, though, she closed her eyes as well, and told him forgiveness was earned, not freely given.

They started having weekly training sessions the next day.

Kakashi was just half an hour late and chuckled softly when Sakura arrived at training ground five, two hours later.

Karma, she told him, and he smiled.

(They never went to training field 7 anymore.)

Kakashi kept his promise. Though he had nothing to teach her in the fields of taijutsu and genjutsu, his ninjutsu repertoire was famous for a reason.

And though she enjoyed those days, for his passion for ninjutsu was clear in every word he spoke, she enjoyed the other subjects even more.

For the field of ninjutsu saw them as teacher and student; the subject of strategy saw them as equals.

Kakashi’s time as ANBU captain made him an intelligent and resourceful strategist, excelling in applying the skills of his team. Sakura surprised him with her creativity and talent for misdirection, while her intelligence rivaling Shikamaru’s only boosted her further.

They started bringing a shogi board to their 'training' days, which quickly became something more than that. They ate lunch together on the training field more often than not, and when Kakashi was on a mission, Pakkun delivered a note to her window with handsigns for a new technique.

Her ninjutsu improved until she told him it was enough.

And as his lone eye drooped slightly, she raised her fist and smiled.

And thus their ninjutsu sessions turned into spars.

(She had never gone back to calling him sensei. She thought neither of them felt the need to go back to that, anymore. Kakashi-sensei means bad memories and failures and a broken team and waiting for hours on training ground 7 waiting for someone who never turned up. Kakashi means a new start and friend and maybe a little bit more).

Fifteen weeks after they had started training together, Sakura beat Kakashi.

Instead of trying to find an excuse for losing, he said that he was proud of the woman she had become, and that he was honoured to play a very, very small part in it.

To her surprise, Sakura felt her cheeks heat up and butterflies in her stomach.

Oh no.

_Here we go again._

Well. Sakura had always wanted to see Kakashi's face. With her new feelings motivating her, she resumed Team 7’s old goal with renewed vigor.

Let it be said that when it comes to love, _Sakura_ was the genius of Team 7.

(Not that it was hard competition, with these dorks as her teammates.)

Two weeks later, he’d agreed to go on a date with her. She never knew if he did it because he was genuinely interested, or wanted to prove to (whom? her or himself?) that it would never work, or simply to get her off his back.

But (un)surprisingly, they really hit it off. It was the best date Sakura had gone on in years and it was Kakashi who subtly asked for another at the end of the night.

Truth is that they never really had spoken to each other before outside of training, never mind as equals.

And after the second date watching the fireworks and holding hands, they planned another. When the next ended with a heated kiss outside in the rain, mask hanging around Kakashi's neck, another. When they got kicked out of the restaurant for lack of decency, another. When he fucked her against the wall in his apartment, which she had never seen before, another. When she straddled him in her bed and kissed him for hours, another. When they were assigned another mission to chase the Akatsuki and gave each other a good luck kiss before departing, another. When they came back, barley alive but with two less Akatsuki walking the earth, and they laid in her bed for hours, unmoving, just holding each other-

They stopped planning the dates.

Sakura finally began to believe that her tale could have a happy ending; that she did not always have to choose, to love or to be loved.

She could have both.

Alas, the world of shinobi is a cruel one. 

She should have known it was not going to last.

Kakashi's love for her was always visible in his eyes, as if she had taken the world of his shoulders just by holding his hand, staying next to him, and _not leaving_.

He never promised anything about not leaving her.

As the orange-haired monsters with ringed purple eyes invaded their city and razed it to the ground, she felt proud to be able to stand next to Kakashi as they took on one of the monsters, working in tandem with bodies, minds, and hearts as one. 

She held the monster back with her strength as Kakashi pierced his heart. 

Apparently, some monsters don't need a heart to survive.

Though Sakura manged to rip its head of its body, finally killing it, she wasn't fast enough to stop the last of the rods going straight through her lovers heart.

His love for her was still visible in his eyes as he crumpled to the ground, one hand outstretched towards her.

But she was too late.

Even she could not revive the dead.

Her love from him ended as she held his corpse in her arms, never to be awoken again.


End file.
